It seems Russian President Vladimir Putin may have finally lived up to the onomatopoeic qualities of his name this week, allegedly falling down his stairs and s**tting his pants, proving that even the most wannabe ultra-macho world leaders can’t resist a good Slip and Slide.  


On Wednesday, November 30, anti-Kremlin telegram channel “General SVR,” made headlines after alleging that the 70-year-old politician took quite the tumble in his Moscow home, falling down five steps before landing on his tailbone, the group citing members of the leader’s security team as sources behind the story.



“Truly dramatic events for Putin took place in the evening at his residence," read a translated version of the viral message, according to CBS News’ Austin, Tex. affiliate. "Going down the stairs, Putin stumbled and fell to the fifth point, after which he fell on his side and slid down a couple of steps. The incident took place in front of the president's bodyguards, who quickly reacted and rushed to Putin's aid."


Yet it seems Putin’s helpers were greeted with an unpleasant surprise, the world leader purportedly pooping his pants upon impact.



“Putin suffers from oncology of the gastrointestinal tract, as a result of which he already experiences serious problems with digestion,” the message continued, citing long-running rumors surrounding the leader’s health. “As a result of the fall, as it turned out, the main blow fell on the coccyx, which probably caused sharp pain, provoking involuntary defecation.”


The aides then purportedly brought poopy Putin to “the nearest couch” before calling “medics, who are on duty at the residence.”

 

“Nothing critical [was diagnosed], the president’s condition closer to nighttime was stable, he can get around on his own, with pain in the coccyx area while sitting being the only thing that bothers him,” they continued.


 

Despite dominating social media, Putin has remained tight-lipped — and hopefully assed — on the incident, meaning we’ll likely never know for sure what truly happened that fateful evening.

 

Oh well. Alexa, play “Putin Has Pissed Himself” by Pussy Riot.